May You Rest In Peace

May You Rest In Peace

Liberated by my will -

Love reclaimed in my heart

Cautiously I connected with you

No stranger to the dark

I sensed your pain

And understand your wounds

As I too had felt that shame…

I chose to walk with you

As I value your heart and soul

As we journeyed together

I soon saw you bare all

I chose to stay and kept giving my love

Something you took for granted -

However,

I wasn’t going to stop being myself

So I kept giving with no ask for return

I have learnt that those heavy feelings

That crept into my heart

Were not mine to carry

They were yours right from the start

They came from your unworthiness

That you refused to manage

Offloaded onto me through projections

That is how I inherited your baggage

My boundaries were dismantled

Through my love given freely

When I started to say, no more-

You started a campaign against me

You felt this was a personal attack

So you needed to settle the score

Your inability to forgive and love yourself

Meant you got that fix from me

I was once self-confident, driven with purpose

A bubbly Soul with the ability to just be

I continued to give freely

Supporting all you wanted to do

I thought that if you felt valued

You would start believing in you

Instead

I became a pawn in your game

Which has a narrative

To avoid your truths at all cost….

The calculated moves and strategic play

Manipulations that played on my wounds

You waited until you were earning enough

To support yourself in our home

Then you cast me aside

Not because I’m a psycho

But because I saw through your game

Keeping up with the narrative-

I became the scapegoat of your entire life

A desperate attempt to hide your truths

That probably started before your ex-wife

I trusted so much in you

That I gave you my children’s hearts too

When you realised it was a challenge

To be honest with yourself

You turned your back on your own heart

Choosing to disregard your own health

Yet - I am the cause of your nightmare

I am the cause of all your pain

 Running to you when you blow your dog whistle

I take the bait reacting to your projected shame

The heartbreaking realisation

That I was only ever a pawn in your game

Someone you knew that could get shit done

Pay the bills, cook your food

And serve you like a king when you came home

I tried so hard to keep you held in love

Believing you would remember your heart

I now realise that by playing this role

I contributed to tearing us apart

The truth is this-

I will continue to give my love freely

To the souls who carry a heavy heart

I will also continue to believe in those souls

For eternity and beyond

As we never truly part

The moments that I’ve been left alone

To cradle my heart and soul

Have reminded me of how beautiful I am

Unconditionally loving all

 I wish for you this peace in your soul

That doesn’t come from blaming another

Take the time to look in your heart

And remember who you are…

I will forever send you love

And never again abandon my own

From a distance

I will cherish your heart and soul

Thank you for leading me back home

xo

Ebony Shalom 20/11/2023